I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
