is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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