Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
