Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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