Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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