I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
