honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
false alarm. still invincible.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
