Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
