she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
