I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
