So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
