next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
