Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
