Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
