hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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