go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
