she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
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I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
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Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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