he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
