New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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