I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
