babies were throwing up all over the place
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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