$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list