Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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