Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize