i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
