wrigley field is MILF paradise
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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