im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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