I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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