She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
