Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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