So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
