once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize