I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
