No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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