i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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