??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
