if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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