Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
