I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
