exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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