One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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