Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
