He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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