I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
