Betty ford says i'm here all night
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
