I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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