Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
