Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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