Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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