Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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