the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
