I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
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btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
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Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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