Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
