So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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