may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
