i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
