If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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