I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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