I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
