My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
love makes seman taste better
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
