im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
whose parrot is this?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
