some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
