How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
