real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
