i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
