i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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