Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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