So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
