Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
