Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize