I think im going to throw up on grandma
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize