wanna go halves on a baby?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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