thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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