I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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