dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
